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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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